What Do Your Pants Say About You?

I never considered my pants could speak until this past fall. If I had given it some thought, I imagine they’d tell me that short girls with thick thighs should not wear skinny jeans unless they want to look like their torso is supported by two blue tree trunks. Or maybe they’d finally let me in on the reason why men’s pants are sized by waist and inseam and women are stuck with generic labels like “slim” and “tall” or worse, just a glaring solitary number, “2.” “7.” “16.” Given my horrible luck in dressing rooms and how I twitch at the sight of denim, I’d imagine my pants would tell me to just give up and live in skirts and dresses.

Hemming & hawing.

Last September, I put on a pair of houndstooth pants that simultaneously drowned my short legs and suffocated my waist. These pants were lying to me: the only place these slacks were an S was in the waist (the XS, S, M, L, XL system is even more depressing than the numbers, am I right?!). I clutched at monochrome cloth, desperately pulling upward in hopes of revealing my feet, which were lost among the extra fabric.

Finally, ten toes emerged. As I looked down at my lavendar nails, it hit me: these pants did not fit. Moreso than the length and the overbearing elastic that branded my skin with deep pink stripes, I was not meant to wear these pants. [Read more...]

A Nod to My Roots: Apple Butter Dobos Torte with Spiced Caramel Icing for My Blogaversary & a Giveaway!

I am self-reflective almost to a fault. I look back at my life, my choices, my emotions all the time. I’d like to think this makes me a better person and that I keep making changes to get me on that path, but it seems the more I reflect, the more I realize how many aspects of my life could use a tweak, a nudge and sometimes even an overhaul.

apple butter dobos torte with spiced caramel icing

Take this blog, for example. It wasn’t always this riveting little piece of the internet you see before you. In fact, it isn’t even my first blog. Before we dive into the fun stuff like giveaways, cake and presents, let’s sojourn through my past awkward and unguided (and very apparently so) past incarnations of blogs.

Cooking Is Love – Picture it: UConn, 2007 [Sofia from Golden Girls, anyone?] Armed with rudimentary cooking skills, chipping non-stick cookwear and a roommate who tolerated my late-night baking binges [thanks, Claire!], I graduated from the angsty land of Livejournal and tried to chronicle my attempts to feed myself via Blogger. Though the title would suggest posts about cooking, nearly all cooking posts that ever existed were deleted in the overly-critical, self-deprecating attitude I was sporting at the time.
highlights include: over-use of the on-camera flash and complete ignorance of the macro feature
what the name suggests:
a blog chronicling my cooking adventures
what the blog actually features: baking posts, or a photographic journey through three levels of cake decorating classes

2009 – Way More Than Cheesesteak – At this juncture, I was between going to pastry school and grad school but got accepted to the latter before I could apply to the former. Grad school proved to be nothing like I’d hoped or wanted it to be and I found solace standing tip-toe in front of my Kitchenaid, mixing, measuring and covering my galley kitchen in flour.
what the blog title suggests: photographic and descriptive evidence that there is way more to eat in Philadelphia than just cheesesteak [attention: everyone in CT]
what the blog actually features: photographic and descriptive evidence that I spent more time researching French pastries than French literary theorists.

2010 – No Small Potatoes –  The summer I ate my way through Ireland and found wifi to tell you about it.
what the title suggests: An effort to photographically chronicle all eating adventures through the Emerald Isle, while disproving stereotypes about Irish cuisine.
what the blog actually features:
 For once, I was actually spot on. Good Irish food and large potatoes.
highlights include: sprawling fields of green grass, cows, and the Cliffs of Mohr
not captured:
I return to the US and to WMtC lugging two suitcases, an oversized carryon, a purse and a bag full of Jameson, brown bread and Baileys bought at the airport, all while casually sipping an iced caramel macchiato and getting strange looks from everyone I encounter.

2011 – My first foodblogging conference! Here, I realized that there are people who are big deal bloggers, who take nice pictures, write well, have followers who aren’t their best friend (thanks for reading, Lynette! love you!) and who have since become my friends :) After realizing that my blog was more about what I baked than actually eating in the city (ya know, because I lived in the ‘burbs and all…), I decided to drop the whole what-I’m-eating-in-Philly gig and go with what I’d always wanted to do: narrate my life through food.

apple butter dobos torte with spiced caramel icing

…so here we are. Present day. I haven’t quite managed to execute that goal all the time. I often got caught up with wanting pretty pictures (hence the post dearth during the months I was sans camera) or feeling the pressure of needing to be like everybody else. Now that I have a shiny camera, I do still want pretty pictures (and I’m working on figuring out how to do that and it’s certainly giving my ego a few knocks to the face heh), but I think I’m finally comfortable with putting out content that’s true to what I had in mind all along. That means telling my story primarily with words through the lens of food. That also means there might be more paragraphs than pictures and there may not even be recipes. I’ve realized that after grad school sucked the joy out of writing, my main focus is putting confidence back in my voice (metaphorically and literally), rather than worrying about teaching y’all how to bake.

This past year has taught me what it means to be a blogger, especially with regards to connecting within the amazing, supportive community that exists. I’m so lucky to have met so many talented bloggers during this past year, who have graciously offered everything from rides to conferences to advice on photography and blogging etiquette to long-distance baking projects, have mentored me and encouraged me to speak up when I wasn’t sure I should even whisper. I am truly blessed to occupy this tiny space in the bloggosphere and have you all–readers, fellow bloggers, and friends–to thank :)

apple butter dobos torte with spiced caramel frosting

So, as a nod to my roots, both personally and blog-i-torily (umm… go with me on that one…), I wanted to do two things.

1.) PRESENTS. That’s right. Presents for me, presents for you. My present is coming on Thursday (more on that later!) Your present is a fantastic giveaway! The Philadelphia-area foodblogger, Iris McCarthy (@PalatePrincess) gave me two copies of her book, The Food Lovers’ Guide to Philadelphia and I’ve got one that could be yours. (And who knows, maybe I’ll even grab a bite with the winner if they’re in town!) To enter, leave a comment with a favorite birthday tradition you have. For additional chances to win, you can like Palate Princess on facebook or follow her on twitter! (Just leave a comment and let me know that you’ve done so!) I’ll use a random number generator to pick the winner on Thursday, November 1st. The winner will be notified via email.

2.) Make a cake, duh. Though I’m a pie person [I was born the day after Pi Day, c'mon!], I’ve never not had cake for my birthday. So, in keeping with the “where I came from” mentality, I reached back to my dad’s Hungarian side and decided to make a dobos torte with an autumnal spin. It’s normally made with chocolate frosting, but I wanted to make something that would represent who I am, only in dessert form: multi-layered, small, pretty sweet and kinda spicy. My layers were a little off-kilter, but then again, I’m not perfect either ;)

Happy baking, happy giveaway entering and happy bloggaversary Charlie Brown! …er, kellybakes! (and yes, I sometimes refer to myself in the blog-person)

xo!

**Disclaimer: I was given two free copies of A Food Lover’s Guide to Philadelphia; one to keep and one to give to a lucky reader. The opinions expressed here are (as always and forevermore) my own. The end.

**And the winner is…**
 ProgressiveGrae! Based on the actual comments (not mine) you’ve randomly been selected as the winner! woohoo! I’ll be contacting you shortly! :]

Apple Butter Dobos Torte with Spiced Caramel Icing
Author: 
Recipe type: Dessert
Cuisine: Hungarian
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 

 

A traditional dobos torte is five layers of sponge cake with chocolate frosting in between. I made mine with 6″ round layers because I wanted a personal-sized cake, but the original recipe called for 9″ rounds. Because this cake is by no means traditional, you can either make the 9″ rounds or the 6″ and use the extra layers to make a taller torte!
Ingredients
For the sponge cake:
  • 6 large eggs, separated & at room temperature
  • 1⅓ C powdered sugar, divided
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 cup cake flour (or 1 cup all purpose flour + 2 T cornstarch)
  • 2 C apple butter
For the icing
  • 2 C powdered sugar
  • 1 stick of butter, at room temperature
  • 1 cup brown sugar, packed
  • ½ C half and half, divided
  • ¼ tsp salt
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 2 tsp cinnamon
  • 2 tsp cardamom
  • ¼ tsp clove
Special tools: parchment sheets for lining pans + a pencil

Instructions
For the sponge
  1. Position oven rack in the center and preheat oven to 400F.
  2. Using a round cake pan (9″ for traditional torte, 6″ for personal-sized), trace 1-2 circles onto parchment (1 for a 9″ round, 2 for a 6″). Flip parchment over so that pencil side touches the cookie sheet, not the cake.
  3. In a mixer, beat egg whites to soft peaks then gradually add ⅔ C powdered sugar. Continue beating until whites become glossy, stiff peaks. Set aside.
  4. Beat together egg yolks, vanilla and remaining ⅔ C powdered sugar on medium – high until the yolks turn pale yellow and thickens.
  5. Stir ¼ of the beaten egg whites into the yolks to lighten them then, using a rubber spatula, gently fold in the remaining whites.
  6. Combine flour & salt. Sift half the flour over the eggs and carefully fold in. Continue with the remaining flour.
  7. Using a ½ C measuring cup, scoop batter onto one of the baking sheets in the center of the traced circle. Using an off-set spatula, spread the batter into an even layer, filling the traced circles. Place in oven and bake for 5 minutes or until the edges are slightly browned and the center springs back when poked with your finger.
  8. While this sheet is baking, repeat the process with the next sheet (trace circle(s), flip parchment over and fill with batter).
  9. When the first sheet is done, invert to a flat surface and ever-so-gently remove the parchment sheet from the back. Slide the cake back onto the paper and let it stand until cool. Let the baking sheet cool and line with new parchment.
  10. Repeat tracing & baking steps with remaining batter.
For the frosting
  1. In a bowl, combine powdered sugar and spices. Set aside.
  2. Melt butter in sauce pan. Add brown sugar, salt and ¼ C half and half over medium-low heat and cook until sugar dissolves (approx 2-3 minutes). Remove from heat and add vanilla, stirring to combine.
  3. Pour caramel into powdered sugar and beat with hand beaters, adding half and half until the frosting reaches desired consistency.
Assembly
  1. Spread a small dollop of frosting n a cardboard round or plate. Place one layer of sponge cake on top. Using small offset spatula, spread a thin, even layer of apple butter onto sponge cake, stopping just before the edges. Top with another layer of sponge cake.
  2. Repeat process until there are five layers of sponge cake, but add apple butter to the top layer.
  3. Use small offset spatula to frost the cake.
  4. Slice, admire your handiwork & enjoy!

Stepping Off the Bus

Have you ever had a movie moment? One where you can see your life playing out in slow motion in front of you? One that feels so surreal that you can almost hear the piano-y music playing in the background as you make a split-second decision to face your fears and do the most mortifying thing you can think of?

A few months ago, I stepped onto a bus, walked down the aisle and hesitantly sat down. My heart thrummed in my chest. My knee shook uncontrollably. My head snapped to look out the window and then darted to the open door. I knew I was making a mistake. I wanted to get off the bus. I needed to get off the bus. When I got on moments before, I carried words with me–thoughts, feelings and questions that were months in the making–that had been silenced by fear and doubt. I knew if I didn’t get out of my seat and run back onto the sidewalk, I’d never have the chance to say them. The doors would close, the wheels would roll, I’d find myself moving in a direction I didn’t want to be headed to and would be trapped for the ride with regret to taunt me the entire way.

I watched as the driver got up to help someone get onto the bus. I had time. He seemed to move so slowly that his limbs blurred, yet my thoughts were somehow stuck on fast forward. I pictured myself clutching the metal rail, bolting out of my seat and sprinting down the sidewalk, orchestra music overshadowing all sound until I could stop, catch my breath and speak my peace. I was having a movie moment.

Get off the damn bus, Kelly. 

Move one foot. If you do, the hardest part will be over and the rest will follow.

If you don’t do it now, you’ll replay this moment for months. Save yourself the torture.

Get. Off. The. Bus.

As the scene played over and over in my head, it looped just as I got my words out and each time was left waiting, on the verge of a response. The fear of rejection cemented my feet, traveled up my legs and anchored me to my seat. The driver got back on the bus. He sat in his own seat. He closed the door. The urge to run seemed to taunt my leaden legs as I replayed my movie ending one last time. I couldn’t do it. I stared out into the night as the bus rolled away and the figure of the person I hoped to catch got smaller as the road stretched out behind me and then, suddenly, was swallowed by darkness.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve replayed that moment in my head. In fact, I had an entirely different blog post planned for today–something food related, actually–but though the pictures were pretty, the words wouldn’t mesh and what I attempted to say was shallow and insignificant. As I scowled at my laptop in frustration and writers block, my imagination found its way back to the bus… Only this time, I rewrote the ending. Though my words weren’t held captive by fear, I didn’t get the happy ending. Surprisingly, I was okay with it. My mind drifted, moving through scenes from my life since that night. As I experienced them anew, I realized that every memory shared a common theme. Every broken relationship I attempted to fix, every dream I gave breath to and every mortifying situation I pushed myself into was an attempt to get off a bus I didn’t know I had been riding. I’m not sure exactly which direction I’m headed in or where these choices will take me, but as they’ve proven several times already, my feet know their way to the door…just in case.

intentional words, as told through donuts.

cake donuts

The other day, I made a batch of yogurt cardamom donuts with strawberry glaze. I had tried to make them several times, but thanks to a lack of cake flour and a bad encounter with a shower of broken lightbulb shards, it didn’t happen. I adapted the Top Pot old-fashioned sour cream donut recipe to make them, but the finished product wasn’t what I was hoping for… [Read more...]

Lessons from my dad: on patience, pruning & burnt chicken

Untitled

an even littler version of me!

I need to confess something: I’m not a good cook… [Read more...]

friends, readers, bloggers: lend me your ears (and comments…or, better yet, don’t)

IMG_7184

I have a bit of a confession to make. For the past 27 years, I’ve suffered a terrible, incurable affliction.

I want people to like me. I know that we all do to some degree, but ever since kindergarten, I’ve felt an overwhelming need to be in everyone’s good graces. If there was a new kid in class, I felt a gravitational pull towards the spot next to them on the reading carpet. I was the first to volunteer to walk them to the office and I’d run to stand next to them in line in the cafeteria. This tended to either work in my favor or make the poor newbie feel smothered and overwhelmed, or just annoyed that I was so friendly and interested in them. In fact, it seemed that the less someone was inclined to be my friend, the harder I tried to make them like me.

It’s no surprise, then, that when I got a blog, I thought it would be yet another outlet for me to try to be clever and charming and adorable and witty in hopes of winning people over and making friends.

Some things are easier said than done.  [Read more...]

accidentally vegan blackberry breakfast bars & a post on perfectionism

vegan blackberry breakfast bars
I’ll admit it. I’m somewhat of a perfectionist. I look at my blog and sigh with disappointment at the lack of consistency in posts and pictures. I’ve been operating sans camera since December, as many of you know, so I rely solely on my flash-less iPhone 3GS and am never satisfied with the lighting or quality of my pictures. Unfortunately for my blog and for you, dear reader, this often means that I won’t bother posting. I settle for sighing and letting the world think that I lapsed into a baking lull and have forgotten all about you [and baking]. That couldn’t be farther from the truth!  [Read more...]

starting small – not your average EWR post

Last weekend I attended Eat Write Retreat in D.C. I was invited via Twitter and bought the ticket on a whim as a graduation present to myself. I wanted to do something out of the ordinary with the hopes that being around serious bloggers would help me figure out if I wanted to pursue ‘something’ in food–Should I bake? Should I write about restaurants? Did I want to take my blog in a new direction? Does my writing suck? Should I bother blogging at all?
My poor brain was a whizzing tornado of anxiety. Thoughts were dashing around my head. I had doubts about my ability, about how professional my blog looked and whether I would be taken seriously at all, being that my blog has few followers and a small readership. After all, didn’t I start this blog for fun? I wanted to stop spamming my facebook newsfeed with pictures of the delicious photos I would take of practically everything I baked and whatever I ate at restaurants. How would it stand up against serious bloggers?
Do me a favor. Read that last question again. [I'll wait.]

and now for something completely different…

Somewhere along the way, I forgot how to write.

This may sound strange coming from someone with two English degrees, but it’s the truth. I have no idea how it happened. What I do know is that this weekend I attended a seminar on writing that made me realize that I had lost my voice. Somewhere between SATs and MLA, I forgot what it meant to write with my senses and speak from the soul.

[Read more...]

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